duhliterate

2009-08-19T17:11:00.001-07:00

2009-08-19T17:06:00.000-07:00

Baby Mama - 1 Beer

2009-07-30T20:18:00.000-07:00

Old lady picks old lady to be surrogate mother. I didn't buy this turd for a minute...and I like Fey. The jokes are obvious, though the effort is clearly there. I expected something smarter and edgier, got neither. Too bad for me.

Miss Pettigrew Lives For A Day - 3 Beers

2009-07-30T20:14:00.000-07:00

Mary Poppins set in the 1920s. Well written/acted with an original storyline. I'm not a big fan of the 'Fargo' gal, but she knows how to pick a good film. A surprisingly un-negative film for once. Enjoy.

Hell Ride - 1 Beer

2009-07-30T20:11:00.000-07:00

Biker gang gets gangland. I knew this was going to be bad at 1:20 when a biker talked about an nihilistic nightmare. I like QT and his efforts, which is why I saw this despite what the reviewers said. I should've listened. Lots of bosoms, though, which is strange for modern b-film.

You Don't Mess With The Zohan - 1 Beer

2009-07-30T19:49:00.000-07:00

Israeli military man wants to cut hair. The first 25 minutes of the film was quite funny, the rest left off. I will continue to rant about Rob Schneider and his black/yellow/red/brown-face characters. Yes it's offensive, but forget that...it's not funny. I'll accept offensive, as long as it's funny. Forgettable, but not as bad as people have said.

Star Trek - 5 Beers

2009-05-16T00:50:00.000-07:00

The prequel of ALL prequels. I'm a casual fan of Star Trek (TNG), but I got most of the allusions. The characters were nailed down perfectly. I finally feel like movies are catching up with the quality of my imagination. If you are an über fan, you'll see things that chumps like me didn't get. I know these sorts of things.

Where In The World Is Osama Bin Laden? - 2 Beers

2009-05-16T00:44:00.000-07:00

White boy tries to find Bin Laden and fails. I appreciate the effort, but this dude's got a heavy hand. Pig fisted. Makes Michael Moore look like a blind girl scout. Westerners are lame and the mid-east is misunderstood...maybe...maybe not.

Feast II: Sloppy Seconds - 3 Beers

2009-05-16T00:30:00.000-07:00

The saga continues. Probably the 2nd most bloody movie I've ever seen. None of it makes sense, which is what adds up to be a pleasant little b-movie. Rent it if you're pleased with the little things in life...gore, teeth, and silly fear.

Wal-Mart Bingo

2009-05-16T00:26:00.001-07:00

The United States of World

2009-05-16T00:25:00.001-07:00

Smart People - 0 Beers

2009-04-17T21:37:00.000-07:00

English profs fall in love with the strangest people. Likely the reason why I rented it. Smart people trying to avoid their tendency to be juvenile r-tards. Maybe I hate it because it reminds me too much of myself.

Sleepwalking - 3 Beers

2009-04-17T21:29:00.000-07:00

Failed mom (Theron) ruins many lives. A cold, white-trash drama. Works best as a Netflix rental, particularly if you're in a dramatically depressive mood. The movie has little plot, but bathes itself in American cynicism and failure. I has me a Master's Degree!

Mother Of Tears - 0 Beers

2009-04-17T21:25:00.000-07:00

A female The Omen meets the country of Mexico. Tons of super high drama with no payoff in story, imagery, or acting. I like watching movies that are SO scary, they're not scary at all.

Heavy Metal In Baghdad - 4 Beers

2009-04-17T21:17:00.000-07:00

Read the title. I'm worried that the words 'Baghdad' and 'Beer' will get me killed in a Fatwah...or is that a Jiihad? You've got to love a country in which musicians could be killed for growing their hair. Insightful. The music sucks, but I really love the heart.

Encounters At The End Of The World - 3 Beers

2009-04-17T21:10:00.000-07:00

Nature film, nicely shot. Ahm geeting tie-ud of Vernur's ahk-scent. It's too intrusive. Only a narcissist would hobble his film with a deeply German accent. He's treading dangerously close to Errol Morris territory...in which the director is more important than the film.

Mongol - 3 Beers

2009-04-15T22:24:00.000-07:00

Son avenges the murder of his father. Good visuals, solid Western narrative. Why are the only Asian films I see 'Period Pieces.' I know contemporary films are being made, but why don't they get mainstream Western appeal?

Billy The Kid - 4 Beers

2009-04-15T22:18:00.000-07:00

Odd kid tries to live life. This is a superior documentary. The kid seems both dangerous, loving, pure. You've never seen a kid, or a film like this. One beer down: When I looked for a follow-up (myspace etc.), all I found was the f-ing director using the 'billy/billy the kid' cache to promote herself. Couldn't find a thing about him.

Heckler - 4 Beers

2009-04-15T22:08:00.000-07:00

Jaime Kennedy kicks back at hecklers. Not perfect in the 'story,' but brings up the issues of mother ferking hecklers interrupting comedians. I pay good money for a night out and someone is yelling and ruins the show. Like going to a Van Halen show and having a drunken guitarist play loudly at the same time. STFU people.

Taxi To The Dark Side - 5 Beers

2009-04-15T21:27:00.000-07:00

Arrested Afghan taxi driver ends up dead. Arrested by Americans...did I mention that? Insightful look America's policy on torture. On Republican Tax Day(???) I'd like to throw the Republicans a hi-five for condoning a 7 year un-winnable war and only getting upset because the current president is spending money on something else. Pro-life!!

Modify - 2 Beers

2009-04-15T21:17:00.000-07:00

People ram metal through most everything on their body. Go ahead, turn your back into a Converse Hi-Top, but don't expect me to not think you're a jack ass. Don't even get me started with the condescending 'I-rammed-a-hoop-through-genitals-so-that-makes-me-better-than-you' attitude.

Chicago 10 - Where's The Waiter??

2009-04-15T20:56:00.000-07:00

Film about the 10 agitators at the Chicago Democratic Convention in 1967(?). Got about 1/3 through and realized I just didn't care. Didn't care...and I like history.

Snow Angels - 3 Beers

2009-04-15T20:50:00.000-07:00

Estranged husband/wife and young love in a small town. The grown up story (Hello, Kate Beckinsale!!) was far more interesting and believable. Sad to watch people try to do the right thing and fail at almost every turn. I'd say it's worth the rent.

Chapter 27 - 2 Beers

2009-04-15T20:38:00.000-07:00

Jared Leto gets fat and kills John Lennon. A good character study that really fell short on narrative. It was hard to tell if I was watching an interpretation of the facts or if it were more fact-based. The later would be cool, but the artsy approach really messed with that dynamic.

Funny Games (07) - 5 Beers

2009-03-20T21:17:00.000-07:00

Remake of the German original...in English. This is a virtual shot by shot remake of the original. Super stylish and post-modernism. I saw this version first (hello, Naomi Campbell!!) and can't tell which is better. You tell me. Still just as hopeless and empty. Cue music.

Funny Games (97) - 5 Beers

2009-03-20T20:52:00.000-07:00

Upper class family violently tortured and brutalized. It's in German, so enjoy the read. Rarely comes along a film as successfully hopeless as this...think A Clockwork Orange. So angry, so negative. You've never seen a film like this. Cue the music.

It's a Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad World - 3 Beers

2009-03-20T20:41:00.000-07:00

The original cannon ball run. I heard a comedian say don't bother unless you've seen this film. I don't buy that. This was clever and classy, but not particularly funny. Have you recently seen 'Seven Year Itch?' Comedy. Funny? Not even close.

Spinal Tap - 5 Beers

2009-03-20T20:32:00.000-07:00

Haven't reviewed this yet. I was once told that you can't play music without having seen this movie...I'd like to change that to you can't listen to music unless you've seen this movie. Stands the test of time.

Tropic Thunder - 4 Beers

2009-03-19T21:13:00.000-07:00

Actors get into bad situations. Downey completely pwned this character...see it for that reason alone. Crass and over-the-top with some outstanding jokes. I hate to say it, but Stiller was the weakest link here, though, from what I understand, Stiller was the reason this film got made.

Pineapple Express - 4 Beers

2009-03-19T21:00:00.000-07:00

Stoners get into murderous hijinks. I'm absolutely loving the grown-up/juvenile comedy genre. It's been years...YEARS since I've seen anything that treated its audience like free-thinking adults, for crap's sake. Not a perfect film, but a film for grown ups...imagine that.

Gran Torino - 4 Beers

2009-03-19T20:50:00.000-07:00

Vet hates people. Hello racial slurs! This movie made me nostalgic for the days when young people were very afraid of leathery old people. They'd just as soon kill you as f-ing look at you. I have uncles like that. Those men no longer exist. Thankfully. Sadly.

Get off my lawn.

The Happening - 3 Beers

2009-03-19T20:39:00.000-07:00

Stuff goes bad on a global scale. Some shocking violence. M. Night is paying now for the terrible endings in his past movies. Lots of M. hate, because this film is not entirely bad. It's certainly a renter, if for no other reason than Shamylan(?) is a mighty good storyteller. Can you say that about yourself?

Harold - 3 Beers

2009-03-19T20:35:00.000-07:00

Kid is bald and goes to school. Some witty writing and entertaining characters. Not really clear as to why he didn't just shave his head. Despite the typical troubles--bullies, girls, adults--the movie successfully avoids the major stereotypes.

Valkyre - 4 Beers

2009-03-19T20:26:00.000-07:00

Plot to kill Hitler. Props to shooting a different kind of WWII film. Hard to buy Tom Cruise as a German. Film skirted the issue of why people wanted to kill Hitler (power grab) and left the issue implied (stop killing Jews). Plenty of style and, like I said, different for these kinds of films.

Bedtime Stories - 3 Beers

2009-03-19T20:12:00.000-07:00

Guy tells stories, stories come true. I go into these movies expecting absolutely nothing. Nothing at all and I'm usually not disappointed. That was the case with this film. I swear to F, if I see Rob Schneider do another brownface/redface/yellowface actor, I'm going to write a letter to someone. 1) It's offensive to me, 2) he has yet to do anything funny with any one of those characters.

Zack adn Miri Make a Porno - 2 Beers

2009-03-19T20:03:00.000-07:00

Poor roommates shoot a porno to pay the rent. The absolute best, and funniest parts of this film were before the group started to shoot the actual 'no. I liked the male/female twist on the washed up male/male loser stereotype. The rest was about as much of a letdown as you'd expect it to be.

Saw V - 3 Beers

2009-03-18T15:26:00.000-07:00

Tries to make sense of the senseless violence...and does a reasonable job. It's hard to really look at this film seriously, but it tries hard to get me to. Essentially it tries to cover the violence of the past 4 films and make sense of the fact that it doesn't really make sense. Noble effort, shameful content.

The Onion Movie - 4 Beers

2009-03-18T15:23:00.000-07:00

Satire, Onion-style. Lots of skits being run, irreverent and cool. A few of the skits are funnier than other, but it's funnier than a ton of crud I've seen that's been passed of as comedy in years past. Think 'Kentucky Fried Movie.'

The Rocker - 2 Beers

2009-03-18T15:20:00.000-07:00

Once great drummer, loses gig, hooks up to drum with the hip kids. I love Rainn Wilson/Dwight humor. Some funny moments bashing into a slightly predictable story. If you want to have a beer or two and pop this one in, it'll pass the time, overall...I suppose.

Robot Chicken: Season 3 - 4 Beers

2009-03-18T15:15:00.000-07:00

Continued puppet hijinks. Still just as funny, and even a little more cleverly written than years past. The only complaint I have for season 3, and for all the seasons, for that matter, is that if I, or you, don't know the show that is being lampooned than I, or you, don't get the inside jokes...and I got most of them.

Paranoid Park - 1 Beer

2009-02-27T23:20:00.000-08:00

Kid kind of kills a guy. I'm sick of 5 minute 'slo mo w/ music' shots. Some people hate white people, I hate extended single takes. Another movie about super hot/cool/smart/perfect high school kids and the ultra lame adults around them? "I sleep skate, wear trendy clothes, sleep with virgins, accidentally kill people/get away with it...and I'm 15 years old." Bull crap, says I.

The Bank Job - 4 Beers

2009-02-27T23:06:00.000-08:00

Based-on-reality story of a bank heist in London/somewhereintheUK. Sure Statham can really only play one character, but in this occasion it actually works for him in a way that will attract intelligent women. Rent this one with confidence...I've been doing this for a while.

Run Fat Boy Run - 2 Beers

2009-02-27T22:49:00.000-08:00

Schlub runs marathon to win back his super hat girl. For a 'British' film not that funny, but for an American movie, not that funny. Some laugh out loud scenes, but this turned into a predictable romantic comedy by about minute 27. Good visual humor.

Constantine's Sword 2 - Beers

2009-02-27T22:41:00.000-08:00

Doc about Christians and anti-semitism. I've gone to church my whole life, and I've never EVER heard a single negative statement about Jews. Ever. This film worked hard to push the Catholic angle. I've never heard a sermon blaming Jews for Christ's crucifixion. For Protestants, it's always been a matter of prophecy, not ethnicity.

Blackhawk Down - 4 Beers

2009-02-27T22:29:00.000-08:00

Based on a true story. Blackhawk gets shot down in Somalia. Soldiers eventually die in a wicked street fight trying to stay alive. Above average film of an absolute cluster f. Welcome to war, kids.

Galaxyquest - 4 Beers

2009-02-27T22:04:00.000-08:00

Star Trek/comicon farce. Saw this a while ago, never wrote about it. Really funny, which is virtually extinct in the sci-fi genre. Flew under the radar because it's a little too insider for typical viewers...jen would hate it. I rather enjoyed it.

Redbelt - 3 Strings

2009-02-25T21:53:00.000-08:00

Karate Kid (Adult) in New York. I'm sorry to be hating so much lately, but it's hard to watch a dramatic version of a child's film. I didn't buy the karate-will-settle-it-all being worked by adults angle that was being worked. Sorry.

BTW, I have a Brown Belt.

Married Life - 0 Beers

2009-02-25T21:51:00.000-08:00

???

Wow. SSSLLLOOOOWWWW!

I tried to figure how this showed up on my Netflix cue...

Then Rachel McAdams showed up. Well at least that part makes sense.

The Forbidden Kingdom - 2 Strings

2009-02-25T21:20:00.000-08:00

Asian fighters doing martial arts. Any time Jackie Chan shows up, you lose all credibility as a serious film. Everyone else tried to sell the film, but Chan's character continued to break the 4th wall (ask a drama teacher)...wow...he's drunk and fighting...wow.

60 Spins Around the Sun - 1 Beer

2009-02-25T21:18:00.000-08:00

Doc about a comedian who becomes an activist...

Yeah, it's that good.

Leatherheads 2 Beers

2009-02-25T21:13:00.000-08:00

The NFL gets started. I'm starting to wonder if Clooney can really play two characters: Drama Guy and Goofy Guy. Sorry to hate right now, but Rene Zellweger is one of the most unattractive women in H'Wood...and I'm ugly. She's pretty enough, but not as a leading lady...the wall...it has been hit.

Young @ Heart 3 Strings

2009-02-25T21:08:00.000-08:00

Old people sing songs. Fun watching geezers sing and live a little. This wasn't as good as the other critics said. I'd like to take a moment, as the son of a choir director, there is nothing more lame than watching a dude wave his arms randomly and call it directing. It's annoying...that and the lame choice of music.

The Fall - 0 Beers

2009-02-20T21:50:00.000-08:00

???. Visually spectacular. Perfect. It's like watching and M. Night movie without a clear story. A fairy tale for adults that become a beautifully odd and SLOW MOVING spectacle. Go ahead, try and watch it...prove me wrong.

Eagle Eye - 1 Beer

2009-02-20T21:41:00.000-08:00

People controlled by...computers. I was with this flick the entire way. Billed as the 'Next Generation' of action thriller films, but falls flat when we discover that a computer is behind it all. Not a cabal or cadre of power players...a computer. Oops. Spoiler Alert!

Death Race - 2 Beers

2009-02-20T21:38:00.001-08:00

Convicts drive their way out of prison...or do they?? With a dumb movie like this, the writers were really trying too hard. Shawshank meets Fast and Furious. Lots of eye candy (hooray for hot women prisoners), but a little slim on anything resembling reality.

Burn After Reading - 0 Beers

2009-02-20T21:26:00.000-08:00

???. I have no idea who the protagonist is (look it up). Everyone was overacting, like in high school theater. Lots of stunt casting. I'm John Malcovic and I'm going to act like a freak. I'm Brad Pitt and I'm strange. I'm George Clooney and I'm weird. Everyone so it's obvious that they are trying too hard.

Clone Wars - 3 Beers

2009-02-20T21:16:00.000-08:00

The Star Wars saga continues, right in the middle of one of the episodes (I'm not sure which). For non-fans, don't bother. For fans, it's another chapter in the WTF is Lucas thinking book. I really felt like I was watching video game footage, which makes this one at least tolerable.

Hancock - 3 Beers

2009-02-20T21:09:00.000-08:00

Disaffected superhero makes good...just like me. It felt autobiographical for me. The movie you see isn't quite the movie you went to see. Charlize Theron...hubba hubba. A fine film that is quite different than what is normally put out. For that reason alone, go check it out. It's different. Do it.

X-Files (The New One) - 1 Beer

2009-02-20T21:06:00.000-08:00

Nothing otherworldly here. I spent the most of the film wondering where the 'action' was. Lots of talking between Sculder and Mully...LOTS of it, but when the action that made the TV show famous kicks in, you find yourself in the last 10 minutes of the film. Literally.

War, Inc. - 3 Beers

2009-02-20T21:00:00.000-08:00

Commerce and media in a middle-eastern war. Cusak put this one out himself, which I admire. Aside from its didactic intent (look it up), the movie isn't very strong. It's got lots of irony, which is easy, but when the 'glam' of war gets in the way of a contract killer (think Gross Pointe Blank), the film becomes a bit of a letdown.

Botched - 3 Stories

2009-02-20T20:55:00.000-08:00

Guy gets stuck in a Russian hotel. It's like SAW or HOSTEL without the anger. It's gross and quite different without really being offputting. It's a good one for horror fans, but it's not really a horror film, so...

Enjoy

Standard Operating Procedure - 5 Beers

2009-02-20T20:48:00.000-08:00

Doc about Abu Graihb. You don't know the whole story. Watch as the USA, the UNITED STATES OF AMERICA, advocates wholesale torture and incarceration of untried people. I'd see this one again. This torture, it should be said, was pushed at the highest levels of American government. What a shame.

Doomsday - 2 Beers

2009-02-20T20:45:00.000-08:00

Post nuclear survival of the fittest film. Who knew that acting would still be this bad in the distant future? One beer up for dropping the Adam Ant AND Siouxsie Sioux in the soundtrack...that almost made the entire film. Plenty gross and if you have Netflix, go for it. Otherwise, pass.

Body of War - 2 Beers

2009-02-20T20:30:00.000-08:00

Doc about the sacrifices of one soldier to the Iraq war. Sad, but suddenly seems outdated...another example of the uselessness of this sinful and Godless war. But again, I'm trying to be positve.

The Other Boleyn Girl - 2 Strngs

2009-02-06T23:27:00.000-08:00

Anne Boleyn's sister...something about a boy and King Henry/George who wanted a son. If you really care, you'll actually like this film. If you don't, as I, you'll find it a bit of a disappointment. A period piece that lacks a contemporary motive. The two sisters are cute, though.

Be Kind Rewind - 0 Beers

2009-02-06T23:24:00.001-08:00

Doofs take over video store. I tried watching this 3 different times and fell asleep EACH TIME. I've always like Mos Def as well as Jack Black, but the story here falls off completely, as well as the humor, and especially the execution. Painful to watch, really.

Drillbit Taylor - 2 Beers

2009-02-06T23:20:00.000-08:00

Guy tries to protect kids. Not very good, not as bad as you were told. I will tell you this, however: I'm getting a bit f-ed out on the 'normal kid, geek kid, fat kid' combo started with the Apatow crew. Funny at first, but it's played when you start rocking the juveniles.

Super High Me - 4 Beers

2009-02-06T23:17:00.000-08:00

30 days no weed, 30 days all weed. Please, America, shut up about the pot. Really. I upped this by one brew because my son was born the night after the wife an I (mostly the wife) gave birth to our son Lewis. Relax, take a bowl and enjoy the love.

Get Smart - 3 Beers

2009-02-06T23:08:00.000-08:00

Comedic espionage. I go into movies like this expecting nothing. When they are even sort of funny, I feel like it's a plus. This is that sort of movie. Anne Hathaway. It might be love. She's now on my list...here is my list:

Scarlett Johansen
Anne Hathaway
Claire Danes

Anne, call me...559-408-1866

Spiderwick Chronicles - 1 Beer

2009-02-06T23:05:00.000-08:00

Kids fight scary things. I'm very glad I didn't let my daughter watch this crap. Far more aggro than a typical PG film. MPAA...get your shart together. It's strange to watch a film that is trying to set itself up for a sequel...especially one that will never arrive.

Flawless - 2 Strings

2009-02-06T23:02:00.000-08:00

Jewel thieves. It's hard to buy Demi Moore as an actress...I don't recall a great, or good, movie she's ever done. There is some good, ' Mission Impossible' type of writing, which makes this movie fun to watch if your wife is out of town and you are lone.

Sleuth - 3 Beers

2009-02-06T22:58:00.000-08:00

Jewel heist film. Nothing really new here, nothing bad. Fun little caper flick. There hasn't been a movie like this since the mid-60s, so on that note, watch and enjoy.

Definitely, Maybe - 2 Beers

2009-02-06T22:54:00.000-08:00

Dad tells his daughter who her mother is. Fine renter. What bugs me most is that a decent looking guy seems to be able to nail 3 smoking hot AND sincere, truly lovely women. "Wow, Dad, that woman was ALSO perfect. I'm so glad it's the 21st century where women are cool about leaving me with you."

I'm Not There - 0 Beers

2009-02-06T22:51:00.000-08:00

Film about Bob Dylan. I was going to watch this, then I realized...I DIDN'T CARE! Mr. Dylan has got to be one of the luckiest douchebags on the face of the history of the planet. Poor singer, lyricist, harmonica-ist, songwriter. Bob Dylan is what happens when the planets align and Mexicans win the California Lottery.

Kabluey - 2 Beers

2009-02-06T22:44:00.000-08:00

Guy in a blue suit tries to be better than he is. Fantastic concept, reasonably shot, poor story. Some funny moments, and I like that this is really unlike anything that's gone out. I just don't like watching movies that I feel like I could've done a better (or just as good) job. Great start...poor execution.

The Last Winter - 1 Beer

2009-02-06T22:41:00.000-08:00

Arctic odd weirdness and death. I really liked this the first time I saw it when I was called The Thing...a FAR better film. A couple of creeps, but plenty of terrible plot points...accentuated by strange ghost caribou and an environmental message. Not scary, super weak.

Persepolis - 2 Beers

2009-02-06T22:36:00.000-08:00

Old-school animation about the 'punk' middle east. I guess. I, as a westerner, found it hard to buy that a little girl could be THAT rebellious in a Muslim society. I guess that's stereotype, but that's still a failure of the mid-east culture to let the rest of us know what 'normal' is in the Iraq and such.

Bomb It - 0 Beers

2009-02-06T22:30:00.000-08:00

Doc about the 'history' of tagging...I mean fcuking up everyone else's view of what would normally be a plain wall. I don't mind, so much, graffiti art, entirely, but I'm farking sick of people thinking that they can write on whatever they want...funny thing: seemed like all of the 'graffiti artists' were dip shart ignorant buck futts.

Penelope - 2 Beers

2009-02-06T22:14:00.000-08:00

Girl with pig nose tries to find love. An allegory about loving yourself. This movie was poorly sold as, 'a girl with a strange nose tries to survive,' when it was really, 'a girl accepts her condition and tries to find her place in the world.' A bit uncommon, so you may want to try it.

Son of Rambow - 4 Beers

2009-02-06T22:10:00.000-08:00

Strange British boy likes Rambo. Creative and innocent with lots of good English writing without the pretension. It's actually good, innocent fun with lots of swear words...it's ok because it's British...did I mention that?

The Strangers - 3 Beers

2009-02-06T22:06:00.000-08:00

People are captured by strange freaks. Plenty of ssllloooowwww build up to SCARE!!! moments, you dig? Quiet, quiet quiet...SHHOOOUUUTTTT!!!! In that sense, the movie was frightful. It was a little short on strong plot, but I admire the effort more or less.

The Future Is Unwritten: Joe Strummer - 0 Beers

2009-02-06T21:51:00.000-08:00

Doc. Follow Joe Strummer...listen as he tells you how bitchin he is. I love the Clash, even their sellout to CBS records. I think it's still punk. But I've had it about up to the tits with Strummer being perceived as, and telling everyone that he is The Balls.

Bollocks.

Charlie Bartlett - 2 Strings

2009-02-06T21:35:00.000-08:00

Rich, spoiled kid is tired of being rich and spoiled...helps others. This is the kind of movie only white people who only hang about other white people. You know, I'm getting tired of privileged white angst...

Pornstar Pets - 1 String

2009-02-06T21:31:00.000-08:00

Doc about pornstars and their pets. I really could've created a better. An incredible sub-plot WOULD'VE been, 'Look how pornstars are emotionally corrupt and try to use animals to humanize themselves.' Instead, it was, 'She's a pornstar, and has a cat...let's listen to her talk about it.' Ugh.

Foot Fist Way - 2 Strings

2009-02-06T21:23:00.000-08:00

Tool karate guy acts like a tool with his students. I rented this because magazines said that Will Ferell got behind it. It's not that funny. Farcical, but not funny. The lead is much funnier in Pineapple Express/Tropic Thunder.

Street Fight - 5 Strings

2009-02-06T21:17:00.000-08:00

Doc about a mayoral race. An Obama-style upstart tries to beat the incumbent. Stunning mafia-style moves made by a corrupt mayor whose fighting change. Sound familiar? I put this movie off for a long time, and once I saw it, I was surprised how fantastic it was. My social studies friends should really see this.

Thinking XXX - 2 Strings

2009-02-06T21:13:00.000-08:00

Doc about a photographer who takes pictures of porn stars with their clothes on and then off. Warning, tons of ween, a bit of V and plenty of bosoms. Not particularly interesting. Really. Turns out porn stars aren't very interesting to talk to. More depressing, really.

Gates of Heaven - 1 String

2009-02-06T21:10:00.000-08:00

Erroll Morris doc about people who run a pet cemetery. This is the reason I decided not to bother with Thin Blue Line. Uninteresting subject terribly told.

The Thin Blue Line - No Grade

2009-02-06T21:02:00.000-08:00

Erroll Morris doc about crooked cops. Didn't watch it. Morris has a style that reminds me of a long, slow, never ending date. I hear this is his best. I may rent it again someday when I retire...come back soon.

The Love Guru - 3 Strings

2009-02-06T20:52:00.000-08:00

The title explains itself. This movie is not very good, let me get that out straight away. I must also admit that this film is not that bad, either. I chalk it up to simple Mike Meyer hate...I hear Meyer is a bit of a douche, so I guess he deserves it. Jessica Alba still can't act. It was a lot dirty (funnier) than I'd expected. Rent it. Bring a beer.

Otis - 3 Strings

2009-02-06T20:48:00.000-08:00

weird guy, otis, is a cereal killer. started off as a fantastic film, clever, creepy and dark, ended as a comedic horror film. the humor was a bit too silly, not funny, and over the top. silly and horror really suck, funny and horror are fantastic. if you have a netflix account, go ahead. otherwise, you may want to pass.

Everything's Cool - 3 Strings

2009-02-06T20:38:00.000-08:00

a very user friendly doc about global warming. nothing new if you're a typical viewer, and, as usual, a little over blown with the 'we're all going to die' stuff, but if you want to feel a tad bit smarter with global evolution, feel free. be a bit smarter why don't you.

Scared Straight-2 Strings

2009-01-09T23:01:00.000-08:00

Hoodlums go into prison, and it's filmed. MTV did this 'in your face' thing a while back, and did a better job. A very dated film...the 'bad kids' were mostly white. Then again, it was fun watching white kids getting yelled at by minorities.

Before Night Falls-2 Strings

2009-01-09T22:58:00.001-08:00

Javier Bardem plays gay Cuban poet. Yeah, it's that good. Lots of schlong and splendid Cuban jazz. Good visuals, but felt like it was 4 hours long...that and the wieners. Lots of them.

that's what she said.

Live Nude Girls Unite-2 Strings

2009-01-09T22:46:00.000-08:00

Strippers unionize. This film is the reason why I don't go to strip clubs. These women fight for better conditions. Good for them...lame for the story. Real strippers, let's face it, are not attractive. Need proof? Watch this populist film.

Fastpitch-1 Strin

2009-01-09T22:30:00.000-08:00

Fat, white, Republicans play softball like it was a real sport. But what about the moronic, rich Floridian who's spent a fortune on getting his team to be the best? What a controversy. I'm going out on a limb here to say: grown adult playing softball as a hobby, fine, I guess; as a real sport? You're among the lamest people on the planet. Prove me wrong.

The Girl Next Door-2 Strings

2009-01-09T22:23:00.000-08:00

You'd think a movie about a regular girl turned porn star would be interesting...you'd think wrong. Maybe it's the internet age, but I find little worth filming when a 'normal' gal decides to go buck. Forgettable flick.

Fast, Cheap & Out of Control-1 String

2009-01-09T22:18:00.000-08:00

Documentary about weird people vs. geniuses. Erroll Morris (don't ask) pulling fly turd out of pepper. Of course you could interview chumps and put it on film, but why bother?

Should You See It?

2008-10-03T23:47:00.000-07:00

No.
(Fantastic start, terrible end. Seriously)

Should You See It?

2008-10-03T23:43:00.001-07:00

Maybe
(Piercing and body mods w/ the volume at 11)